My greatest regret is not telling you I loved you
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: It all happens so fast. One moment, she is stalking towards the queen, hellbent on tearing her away from whatever spell she is casting this time. The next, she is staring at a half-crumbled Emma Swan, the tears in her eyes and the pain in them. She needs to find the queen and drag her home- but in this universe , the queen may actually be wanted instead of loathed.


**I don't own OUAT**

For one moment, there is solidarity between them. They glance at each other, identical 'well, that was anti-climactic' expression on their faces. The queen looks away first, then frowns. She doesn't say anything but she doesn't have to: this is not the vault. Or- well it is, but it is not the vault where they had squabbled and snarled and stumbled into the queen's half-finished spell together.

 _What kind of spell was she casting?_ She had expected either a way to break the tether between them, or a love spell. She feels a sharp stab of guilt at the memory of a well and a frightened boy pleading with her not to do it. She knows all too well what it is like to be so starved for love you would even settle for an illusion of it, and for a moment she hurts with empathy.

Then she turns around and is blown back by a surge of magic.

She hits the floor, holding back a small groan at the force with which her body hits the wall. She falls down, stumbles but catches herself. Knives are thrown into her spine when she straightens, but she remembers herself what is at stake here. She breathes in and out several times, both to be able to manage to pain and to give her woozy head a moment to adjust.

As soon as she does not feel like crumbling, she forces her body forward. It takes her to the station without thinking, and she gets dizzy for a very different reason as she runs towards where she hopes Emma is gorging herself on the usual grease-ridden lunch. Her heart is beating too fast, that is why she is dazed again, and it is beating too fast because of all the miniscule ways that Storybrooke is _wrong._

When she is still trudging through the woods, it is not noticeable apart from the small changes and absences in her vault. But as soon as she gets to the town, it is there. It is in the way the people react to her, shrieks and paling and jumping away. It is in things like how there is a street lamp laying on the ground, bickering people at the bus stop or in front of stores.

She yanks the door open and sprints despite burning legs and panting breaths and what feels like a dozen explosions happening in her head. " Emma" she gasps, only half-aware of how the woman drops her hamburger. Which would normally be enough to make her fall silent, but now she is too worried to focus on how it might mean trouble (Emma-caused or not). " Something has happened, Storybrooke is- "

 _Was that her spi-_ "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" Emma more or less throws the words at Regina, her voice harsh and loud and – it cracks, like Henry's but for very, _very_ different reasons. Regina automatically moves forward, ready to either squeeze her bicep briefly or grab her hand to promise her another happy endings (she doesn't know, she just want the pain to stop) when Emma glances at that hand with confusion.

" Emma- ".

" You n-never- " Emma takes a deep breath, wipes her eyes. At this point, Regina does not know whether they are tears caused by fury or sadness. Both, perhaps. She slowly drops her hand, aware that an emotional Emma Swan is one that often needs a little distance. At first.

" What is _w-wrong_ with you? " she repeats, but her voice trembling and is far softer and less angry and more pained. Her eyes are flitting over Regina's body and Emma is startled by how much she looks like the Emma Swan that had grabbed her, pushed her into a cupboard and slammed her against a wall. She has to tear away her hand when it reaches for Emma automatically. When had she gotten so comfortable around the saviour?

" You are more incoherent than usual, Swan" she might be getting a little annoyed. Or perhaps it is just this concern that is tempting her to focus on Emma Swan when her town might be in danger.

She feels Emma's grip tighten, which is when she realizes Emma had actually grabbed her labels and pulled her closer. Her resolve to be strong, to not worry about Emma right now (surely the queen has not paid Emma a visit, surely her- Emma is still fully capable of handling whatever the queen doles out) crumbles and explodes at the sign of that first tear falling.

"I am sorry" she admits helplessly. "What – have I caused you harm - "she had expected angry accusations that had to with the queen, or her absence in a vision or anything about the mess that is Storybrooke right now.

She had not expected Emma to grit her teeth and choke out" have I- do you even need to ask that?" her grip is almost painful now. "you _ruined_ us" it hurts. It hurts, hearing this from the same woman that had said 'I always know when you're lying' and 'I don't believe that. I believe in you'. Where is that-

" H-henry is losing his mind, he hurts so much" she slowly lets go of Regina and manages a pained chuckle. " But he apparently has both our shitty ways of dealing with emotions, so he is more or less angry all the time. He is angry and confused and hurt and- I"

Regina feels her throat close at the helpless, teary-eyed look Emma sends her way. " I don't know how to help him. You- you are going to make that barb at my parenting skills again but I don't even fucking care- '

Before Emma can continue with the slight ramble and possibly hurt herself trying to keep in tears, Regina steps in. "Henry-

" How could _you_ \- " Emma spits, back to angry apparently. She is trembling, her arms and her lips and everything – including the hands that Regina eyes a little warily. She knows Emma has a mean right hook after all. She does not need to be reacquainted with it( and her friend would never punch her again, but she is starting to suspect this is not the Emma Swan she has gotten accustomed to)

"Henry" she prompts. She just looks at Emma, who apparently understands because some of that anger fades. She swallows as she stares at Regina. " what are you even? A zombie- do I need to get the salt or whatever?".

Regina stares at her. "I know this might be strenuous for you, but please at least try to make sense".

" A zombie- ".

' Yes, I am aware what a zombie is. What I do not comprehend, is why you would- " everything that has happened since she stumbled into the spell suddenly rushes through her mind. A thin layer of dust on everything in her vault. The terror and astonishment and anger of the townspeople. Emma Swan, a mess with a thin layer of anger hiding pain and sadness and exhaustion.

" Emma " She gasps. " Am I- Am I _dead_ ".

* * *

Emma has to keep her from going to Henry. Like, grab her and pull her against her body until she calms down enough to realize it may not be the best. Even when _he is hurt he is hurt he is hurt_ is all she can think about, and all she wants to is take him in her arms and whisper that it is okay . Because apparently- he isn't. [ and she knows henry loves her. But sometimes it still difficult to believe she is that fortunate and this Henry can barely see past the evil queen]

"He- " Emma has finally let her go and fallen into her chair with a muttered 'fuck' as Regina perches on the desk. She glances at Regina, then admits "he doesn't know how to deal with it. And Jesus, R-regina losing your mother is fu- messed-up enough, but it gets even worse when she is one of the most ha- " she suddenly falls silent, flushing slightly.

Regina smiles dimly. " The funeral was not well-attended, I take?".

Emma Swan might always be able to tell when Regina is lying, but she can definitely not lie to Regina. She sighs. " I think that is what is messing with his head. I mean, I am not Archie obvious-".

" I sometimes wonder whether it matters all that much. You do realize that he got his PHD from a curse, do you not?".

Emma tries to glare at her, but ends up smiling shakily. " So I am not a shrink. But I do have enough common sense to realize that it must make it impossible to mourn when the entire town of jer- of goddamn fairy tale characters is celebrating the 'end of the Evil Queen's reign" .

" That would- " she briefly thinks of Cora, of being alone and isolated in her loss. "That would complicate matters, yes" she thinks she already has the answer, but she asks anyways. " I gather that no one has had the decency to at least not slander my name in the presence of Henry".

Emma scoffs. "No. They think Henry is so good for even mourning the 'evil queen's death' but they are apparently too stupid to realize you a-were his _mother._ The only thing that keeps me from punching them whenever they pull that shit, is that Henry should not have to watch me beat up people" .

" No matter how exhaustingly noble, Emma, you do not need to co- ".

' I am not doing it for you ' Emma interrupts, although the way she is flushing is suspicious. " I am doing it because of the godawful look Henry gets whenever someone mentions you".

" Well. Thank you nonetheless" Regina says, smiling gently.

Emma looks really startled, then shrugs awkwardly. " You really don't- " she closes her eyes and rubs the bridge of her nose. She mutters something that suspiciously sounds like 'just when I thought I had gotten used to all the mental crap that happens in this town'. She takes a deep breath, seems to pull herself together again. She glances several times at Regina before she haltingly asks her " Can I tell you something? Without getting a very sarcastic answer, or having every part of me exposed and criticised? '.

" I will not harm your fragile ego" Regina teases.

Emma shakes her head like a wet dog. " Yeah, the niceness is going to take time getting used to" she takes a deep breath, stares at her desk. " Anyways, Henry has- like I told you, he is mad. Completely understandable, with the attitude of these fairy tale characters. Except- lately, he has been seriously freaking me out" she finally looks up, and Regina tenses. "He has been- there have been several incidents. And when it was just yelling at people, I really didn't think much of it. He is a kid, he is in a lot of pain and these people keep being inconsiderate fuc- jerks. But then- "

Emma hesitates before actually admitting , in a quiet voice, that " he has actually done more than yelling. It started with unprompted , over-the-top anger and saying stuff like 'it is not like you can actually save anyone' but then it just .. got worse. There was this one kid at his school that made a remark about you and- as the director tells it, Henry had to be pulled away before he stopped punching"

Regina feels horrible. The thought of Henry, the boy that would always bring injured animals home and wanted nothing more than to help people, being so hurt that it manifests like anger ( _just like his mom_ a vicious voice reminds her) is one that _hurts._ No matter how much she wants to matter to him, she never would want it like this.

" Emma. I understand your point of view, but perhaps it might actually be beneficial for Henry to see me".

Emma shakes her head. " Or it might mess with him even more. He is just- he is really fragile right now".

"I cannot just sit here and allow our son to suffer".

For a moment, Emma smiles. It is weaker and dimmer than Regina is used to, and she has the horrifying thought that it might be the first time in weeks (Emma herself looks surprised) but it is a smile nonetheless. " Our son" she softly repeats.

" Yes. Which is why I will not visit Henry without discussing it with you but- I honestly think it would be better for him if I did".

There is a long moment where Emma stares at her and Regina – familiar with the Swan brand of stubbornness and occasional hard-headedness- thinks she is going to refuse. Then, she slowly deflates and sighs.

" Okay".

* * *

Henry freezes. He freezes and reaches for her slowly and whispers a broken " M-mom?" before she nods – _you have to seem strong, for him_ – and carefully takes a small step closer, all too aware of what eleven-year-old Henry was like, of how his touches were a rare occasion and he was so often-

He barrels into her and sobs " lo siento lo siento lo siento" over and over again until it is a ramble, until it's " losientosientolosiento" in between wailing sobs. He clutches her, buries his head into her shoulder and sobs and shudders.

She places her hand on his head, her arms around him and mutters back "No pasa nada, carino" He continues sobbing , but is now muttering " mami" more often than " lo siento". She finally hears his sobbing slow down, until he is hiccupping more than sobbing and several minutes later , he pulls back – although he does not let her go.

" Corazon" she whispers, gently wiping away his tears.

He stares at her with wet cheeks, red eyes and trembling lips. " I- " his voice cracks. He hugs her again, really tightly. " te extrañaba" he whispers. She whispers it back. It is true: she might still have Henry and he is wonderful and she loves him so very much, always has but sometimes she misses the times when he was younger and needed her more.

He pulls back a little again. " Y-yes?". She touches his chin briefly. " I love you mi principito, more than anything" he leans against her. They are in a wonderful cocoon where the angry townspeople that likely want her to burn at the stake do not exist, nor do poisoned apple turn-overs or false accusations. In fact, she is just starting to reach for Emma- drawn to the gentleness in her teary eyes- when there are footsteps and a familiar voice calling out " Henry, I got the fo-"

The bag with groceries hits the floor with a dull thud! Snow white gasps and presses her trembling hand to her mouth. Charming's hand on her shoulders holds her back when she starts to reach for Regina. His eyes are hard, his hand sneaking to the gun on his hip. Snow is the exact opposite, all soft disbelief and tears, reaching for her. She is just about to either make an acerbic remark or step towards Snow when the entire apartment fills with purple smoke.

And reveals… far too much of herself, really.

She automatically pushes Henry behind her, her fingers clasped around her waist as she steps in front of Snow. She hears her choke at the exact same moment Emma blurts out 'Is this a dream?" She was just reaching for Emma, to pull her behind Regina or to start kick her magic but now she freezes a little, her mind caught on all the ways that can be interpreted.

The queen just chuckles, sliding her gaze over Emma( and linger. Oh gods, the lingering) before she lowers her voice subtly to say ' Do you often dream of the both of us, miss Swan".

She throws the queen a sharp glare that hopefully communicates " _Henry_ is right here". Fortunately, what the queen is insinuating is now picked on by Henry so he is probably not traumatized. You know, apart from all the other trauma. The queen just smiles while Regina's brain is already starting to obsess on how Emma flushes and _defensively_ crosses her arms.

"Snow" the low hiss of the queen draws Regina's eyes away from Emma. She makes sure to keep shielding Snow with her body as the queen stalks closer. " You will not touch her" she warns. The queen rolls her eyes. " I merely wish to rip ou- "

"Mom!" Henry gasps, trying to leave his safe place behind Regina and stand in front of her. She tightens her grip on his wrist slightly. "Henry, do not- ".

"Why- why are there two of you?".

The queen sighs. " Tedious, too-long story short; Regina found a way to split me from her, attempted to murder me by crushing my heart but did not actually manage to do anything apart from setting me free".

Now she takes a step towards Henry and Regina waves her hand. A fireball narrowly misses the queen. " Are you done throwing fireballs at _yourself_ ".

" Step away from our son"

" He is _my_ son" there is something desperate in the queen's eyes and Regina pushes away the empathy, the pain she remembers.

" Emma" she mutters. Emma stops sneaking towards the queen, gun in hand. The queen's eyes are fixed on Henry, her voice absentminded as she says " Emma, do you honestly wish to add to Henry's psychiatric bill by murdering two of his moms in front of him? ". She freezes.

Regina suddenly understand why Emma was 'freaked out' by Henry's behaviour. There is something almost dark flashing in his eyes as he glares at Emma, snaps " Drop that" and takes a step closer to the queen. Her eyes light up- even if the rest of her face is expressionless- and steps forward. ' Coraz- ".

She grunts as she hits the ground and Henry stares at Regina's hand, the same one that threw the queen away from him. He hesitates, takes a step towards where the queen is getting up then stills and glances at Regina. " Emma " she mutters, keeping her eyes on the queen. " I am going to move away from your parents, at which point you will take my place. I want you to summon a shield to protect them".

" _Protect_ \- "she hears Snow sob-gasp behind her.

She ignores it in favour of slowly moving away, towards Henry. Emma immediately takes her place, brows drawn tight as the air shimmers in front of her. Regina tries to pull Henry behind her again, but he resists and instead watches the queen as she gets up and stalks towards them with a furious look. " I am going to- " .

" You are going to do _nothing._ I will not allow you to hurt anyone in this room".

The queen laughs, starts to pace around Regina. Her eyes are on Henry the entire time, but what she says is obviously directed at Regina. " So weak. Why would you protect _Snow_ , after all she took from us".

" I forgave her" Regina simply says, because she did. Even when the queen was inside her, she did not loathe Snow anymore. Oh, she could have dark thoughts and find her annoying and associate horrible things like wrinkle hands and a crowned, balding head but she could never have truly wanted to rip her heart out again.

" Pathetic" the queen sneers.

Henry steps forward at this moment, when the queen is very close to Regina and her hand is coming up. " Mom?" he ventures. The hand relaxes and slowly moves down. The smile she gives him is entirely genuine, and almost ordinary. " Henry" she is already moving towards him when Regina grabs her arm. " You stay- ".

" Mama, it is okay" Henry says, frowning at the queen. " I don't – I don't " he stammers, looks close to tears again. " I don't understand what is going on exactly, but- but I thought I had _lost_ you".

" I am here " she says at the same moment the queen says "I will never let you go". Henry nods hesitantly, smiles at Regina before very carefully approaching the queen. " Uh Regina?" Emma says, a shield struggling to stay alive in front of her and her parents (who are huddled close together). " I know" she mutters, but –

She would stop the queen, she would. Except Henry is willingly approaching her and the queen looks so hopeful and she remembers feeling like that, starved for every bit of affection but also still so very angry at injustice.

Henry gently reaches for the queen's hand, who sags and then smiles so brightly. She had been different with the older Henry, manipulative and desperate. With this younger Henry, she seems softer somehow. Not at first- but now that he is actually approaching her, it almost seems like you could leave her with Henry and not be worried sick about what she will do.

" I should not have lied to you" she mutters, touching his skin.

Henry nods. " I was so angry" he mutters.

" I should have told you, from the very beginning".

"I shouldn't have run away, you wouldn't have-" Regina moves forward at the self-loathing in his voice, thinking _no, Henry, we both would have gladly died a thousand of the most painful deaths for you_ but the queen reacts before her. "Died? As you see, I am not entirely gone".

" But you, we bu-" apparently he cannot say the words.

" That was not your fault" her voice suddenly hardens. " it was _theirs_ " she yanks her head in the direction of Snow and charming, the spell she sends that way at the same moment colliding with Emma's shield. Emma grits her teeth and pushes back. It is clumsy though and it shatters and-

The queen looks at Henry. " You deserve better than them' she looks at Regina, hatred and contempt battling in her eyes. She stalks towards Snow and Charming; Charming pulls a gun while Snow stares at the queen with a mess of complicated emotions. The queen is fast, she has already reached them and the gun is pointed at her and –

Emma steps in front of the queen. "Regina, seriously?".

" Move aside or I will take your heart first".

" I am pretty sure you can't"

The queen attempts to anyways, of course, but Emma catches the hand and stops it. " My father has a _gun_ Regina and I am willing to believe you are all kinds of badass but are you bulletproof?"

The queen chuckles. " I am not weak like her, Emma. I am not going to choose you over getting my happy ending".

" I – I honestly don't think any Regina would ever do that. And you're not weak. But if you do try to- " she falters for a moment and the words sound stilted when she speaks them ' rip their hearts out, I will stop you".

" In front of my son?".

Emma nearly staggers back . " Not like that. I won't- ".

The queen leans in, her voice lowers. "Oh , but you will not have a choice. I will not surrender, Emma. Not until I have my son and Snow's heart. So you will either be defeated.. or you will have to murder me. Again".

Emma grits her jaw. " I won't. I am not going through that ag- I am not going to hurt Henry".

Regina and the queen both do not miss Emma's slip- up. But while Regina inhales sharply and stares at Emma with wonder and slow hope, the queen immediately takes advantage. She presses even closer, pushes her hand against Emma's ribcage. " Are you certain I will not be able to take it?".

Emma reaches for the queen's wrist, start to pull it away. Behind her, Snow has picked up a vase and Charming is readying his gun and Regina's hand is heated by the fireball in it. They're all starting to release when there is a desperate yell and henry stumbles forward.

' PUT IT AWAY " he screams. When Charming hesitates, he snaps at him ' you are _heroes._ You shouldn't- you shouldn't " he nearly hyperventilates. " You can't take her away again'.

" Henry, it is not even- ' .

" She _is_ you" he turns around. " You are the evil queen. And I am sorry- I am sorry I ran away and yelled at you and hurt but I am also _not_ because you did all those terrible things and hurt all those people. And the queen, that is you. But you are also my mom".

He turns back to the queen. "You are both my mom. And – and I think I can be okay with that" he swallows. "If you don't hurt people anymore".

The queen scowls and glances at snow. " She-".

" _No!_ That is how I lost someone, that is how I lost _you_ and everything was horrible. You can't take someone else from me'.

The queen hesitates. " Henry- ".

Emma steps forward again, one hand on Henry's shoulder and the next squeezing the queen's bicep briefly. " You were trying – and you were succeeding before all of that sh- before the whole Cora disaster happened, weren't you?".

The queen tenses , her fingers twitch " Do not speak of my mother, you-".

" My point is, if you were _trying._ And you were doing okay, right? So if – can you not do that again?" she shrugs, but her eyes and posture belie the casualty of the movement. The queen stares at her, then at Henry. She visibly softens. ' I – you abandoned me".

'I know I should have gone with my gut instinct Regina and I do regret everything that happened, but you have to admit- anyone would have fallen for it".

" You shouldn't have ' the queen snaps, then her tone softens. She sounds almost vulnerable as she adds " I trusted _you_ at least to know better, with your past and- ".

" You're right. I knew you were trying and that you wanted to be better, for Henry".

The queen hesitates, then glances at Regina before she admits " not just for Henry".

Emma's eyes widen. " Wait, are you- ".

" You are gullible and horrible at respecting boundaries and stole my son – " Emma rolls her eyes. The queen gently pushes Henry to the right and moves into Emma's personal space. " but you also accept that people can make mistakes, are independent and strong and would defend Henry with your life"

The queen smirks and leans forward, whispering something that makes Emma's eyes widen and her skin flush slightly before she smirks as well and mutters something back that has the queen look nearly impressed. Henry narrows his eyes at the both of them. " What are you doing?".

" What would you think about me dating miss Swan, Henry?".

" Uh _what_ ".

The queen shrugs as Emma splutters and protests " hey! I never agreed to that".

" Your birthmother has redeemable qualities" the queen smiles. " And this way, I can still get my revenge".

" You are not going to use me to get your revenge'.

" You seem truly incapable of listening. You also have redeemable qualities".

" Well, you-".

" Henry?".

" Is that like even allowed? The queen and the saviour being a couple?".

" I am a _queen._ I create the rules'.

" Oh" he bites on his lip. " would you stay, then? "

She nods.

" And not do evil stuff?".

She hesitates, then nods. " I will try".

" and we could be a family?".

" I would like that very much".

Regina feels a little like she is- oh never mind, that is because she _is_ in an alternate universe . She wonders whether 'her' universe would also allow her to smile at Emma like that and have Emma smile back slowly and – have Henry in between them, and have Snow look a mixture of careful happiness and slightly confused horror while Charming just looks like he is going to drag his daughter and grandson far, far away from the 'bad influence'.

Not that she wants Snow and Charming to even disapprove a little- Emma deserves better- but she has to admit that their faces are hilarious.

She moves forward. " Henry- '.

" One of you has to go back, right?" he asks, face a little sad but not overly so.

" I am afraid – Henry, this is dangerous magic and – ".

" The consequences could be anything".

" Yes".

" Can we not try?" the queen whispers, eyes so very longing as she looks from Emma to henry. Regina hesitates, then slowly starts to smile "is that not what we have been doing from the beginning?".


End file.
